Paris is great, mostly. It’s incredibly romantic. But sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it smells. Actually it always smells. That’s what happens when people piss in the metro and let their dog shit on the street.
Modern day Paris is made up of many different personalities. You really are spoilt for choice when it comes to finding your place here.
First you have the actual Parisians. You are likely to find a Parisian walking their dog with a sad face (do not pet these dogs) or driving through a red light because they are clearly in a rush to get to a dinner party. Parisians also love to go to the bakery and smoke in parks. Parisians don’t really like smiling, but they will often give food or money to the homeless which I find really sweet. Rich Parisians get taxi’s everywhere, because living in an apartment comes at the cost of not having a parking space. They will also snarl at you if you do not stay to the right of the esculator, or aggressively yell at you in French if you use their toilet.
Then you have the skate hoes. You will often find the skate hoes at Place de la Republique or waiting in line to enter the Supreme store in Le Marais. The skate hoes are also likely to go to events at La Machine, a club under the Moulin Rouge where they can #partylikesits1999. Skate hoes also like to buy their clothes at Free P Star and wear sunglasses at night.
Next you have the weird old men category. This is a large group. You will find weird men on each and every night bus you catch, loitering in the metro, and standing outside Gare du Nord. You will also find that these weird men will try and talk to you. The solution is to passionately voice the term “non” and walk away. If the problem persists, call for help.
Then you have the rich women from Asia. Often found in 1st, 15th and 16th arrondissement, they will be walking the streets with their Chanel shopping and wandering up the Champs-Élysées in heels. This group serves as no problem to you. They are supporting the economy and keeping the romanticised Paris Fashion industry thriving and alive.
Along the streets at the top of scare cœr, you have the french artists desperately hanging onto this piece of homogenised french culture. “Madame, puis-je vous dessiner.” These artists probably take 3 hour lunch breaks and eat snails for breakfast. Not really, but maybe.
Of course, you have the tourists, who make up a large portion of the daily commodities. Likely to be found by the Mona Lisa, at Trocadero metro station or taking a photo of their expresso with the caption #paris #springbreak #loveit.
You then have the fashion bloggers, who pretend they are having a really lit time here #livingitup but don’t actually see anything other than the Eiffel Tower and their hotel room bathroom. Maybe they will buy a croissant, but only to take a picture, never to eat.
And lastly, you have us. The greatest people you will ever meet. You will find us at Bob’s Bakeshop or drinking Rosé in Mallory’s apartment.